Growing Into Things

growing out of things is sad.

whether it’s your favourite pair of shoes, a book or a friend.

but then there’s also growing into things.

emotions, gaps in reason, people you swore you’d never understand or that pair of purple jeans you thought you could never pull off.

you could grow into things that you cast aside, whether pseudo victoriously or sadly. years, weeks or months later, suddenly, you’re old enough. good enough. or plain happy/satisfied/content enough.

it finally fits into that hole in your heart and the void gets closer and closer to disappearing.

you don’t live happily ever after but it’s a step forward… it is.

expectations

in her true state her hair is down and beaded bracelets adorn her arms. she drifts through time like an expert sifter. sifts through hobbies like an expert drifter. dawdles at the highways hoping to run into someone who’ll show her the way but mostly there’s just a lot of orange lights and cars honking.

Candy Crushed

I “discovered” Candy Crush Saga developed by King on a random trip to the App Store. Cute candies, a spree of connecting 3s and 4s and 5s, watching striped candies thaw rows of frosties and the colour bombs wreck delicious havoc… a temporary but fun fad, right? With side effects of a mild sugar rush for the sugar crushed.

Um, right.

There was nothing temporary about this fad. It’s still ongoing.

I guess the kind of connect 3 game you like (diamond dash, candy crush, and the rest) says something about you. I’m a compulsive reader with a sweet tooth. Candy Crush Saga gave me mindblowing graphics of the mouth-watering candies, a cute storyline with its puppet-style appeal and surprisingly hard to crack levels!

It’s also the only App where I don’t feel the need to mute the music. The music completely goes with the game, especially with the “bring the ingredients to the bottom” levels where the tune/beats remind me of a quirky but mellow Chef setting. In the home page, the music is very fairytale-esque with a hint of mystery! Very fitting with the presence of a candy factory, lemonade lake, bubblegum bridge, salty canyon and chocolate mountains; which you explore as you crack various puzzles and move on to successive episodes!

Sounds like silly and juvenile fun? It’s really not.

I was stuck in level 29 for days. With the social networking twist, I had to BEG my friends on Facebook to accept my request to let them let me cross over to the next episode post-level 35. My friends then proceeded to get addicted to this impossibly sweet game!

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I’m in level 97 now and I have been stuck on it for quite a while. There are time bombs in this episode but the slippery chocolate is absent and not missed. I’m racking my brains to make enough candied combinations that amount to 100000 points before I’m out of moves. It’s great when I’m playing… I feel like I’m sucked into this ultimate candy factory. I can almost taste the lemon drop!

I guess it’s a good thing that after your 5 lives are out, there’s a 30 minute wait before you can play again (unless you prefer to pay real $$s or hammer your friends with more requests to send you an extra life). It’s mildly frustrating but it keeps you from playing every minute of the day.

Dark circles.

I don’t want to sleep.

Every word in my textbook tastes like pressure.

I don’t want to sleep because then I’ll have to wake up and I would’ve lost another day to junk food and television, attempts at a first chapter of a story that never turns out right, calls I never make and deadlines that wait in dark corners…to chase me.

I don’t want to sleep because I’m probably working for the wrong goal or staring at the wrong affirmation. I repeat it to myself again and again and again when the truth is there, right there, clasped by a clip that’s as light as day.

I don’t want to sleep because I’ll wake up to another day, then another, then another and expectations will outshoot progress. Expectations that turn a problem into a complicated equation.

I don’t want to sleep.

It’s better to stay up, reading while the heart of the issue is still numb from its time in the freezer and I’m still a part of the carefree day that is yet to end.

Crush.

Adrenaline, rushed heart beat, silly smile, hand over face, jumping up and down up and down in your head as you wonder what the heck is happening to you. walking around in circles conjuring an almost-life with the possibilities as you jump up and down up and down , blood rushing to your cheeks, your cheeks paining and your hands clutching your cheeks… it’s just like a movie except it doesn’t cut to a plot-relevant scene and loose ends may remain loose ends. jumping up and down up and down in your head as your mind runs wild and heart beats fast all from that spark, that glimpse, that nod.